BeFound's Xanga

Monday, January 15, 2007

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 03:42:48 GMT

NEW BLOG FOR A NEW YEAR: www.xanga.com/Selaheto ... subscribe only if you care.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 05:32:40 GMT

all of a sudden... i've been inspired... hopefully i can keep this inspiration up and follow up with it... what is it?! you'll find out soon enough if i do follow through with this...

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 05:21:40 GMT

i was in the shower... and really felt like bloggin' for some reason. but anyways... here it is..........

i've been here before. a little too often i think. here as in this state of mind... where i'm feel so pathetic. i've been here before... before the lord and telling him that this is IT... i wanna be with you from now on. and guess what?! time after time i fail him. and time after time he said... it's alright i'm RIGHT here boy. i feel like he's nothing but Santa. whenever i need something i go to him and write him a list hopeing that he'd answer exactly what i wrote on my list. it's so pathetic i know. lately i've been reminded that he loves me and he wants to spend time with me. when my friend first told me that... my initial reaction was: dang... im gonna spend time with him tonight. guess what?! nope... didn't happen... i feel so... helpless... or perhaps i shouldn't make it sound so pitiful at all. i feel like i've just been complacent of WHERE i am right now and WHO i've become. i've drifted further and further away from him... and now... in the face of a big life decision to make... plus a pile of homework to do... desperately i come home... sometimes i wonder if the Prodigal son EVER gone away from the father AGAIN... i really wonder...

i guess after that's what makes GRACE so beautiful. the fact that no matter how much we fail. he's still there to pick us up and whipe everything off of the bord and let us start all over again. that's the kind of grace that leaves us awestruck...

i just want to share this song with ya'll... i hope it inspires you guys...

Unashamed - Starfield

I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face

Here I am at Your feet
In my brokeness complete

it's true... i have nothing to offer you... but yet you KNOW i'm weak and unworthy... but because of Grace and Mercy... i stand here... UNASHAMED... thank you Jesus...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 13:47:46 GMT

last real post was on September 1st, 2006... how pathetic. it seems like i can never stick to my word for some reason. everytime im "determined" to do something... i never stick to it... and then after awhile i just kinda try to pick it up again... and it just never works out that way. but whatever, here i am with my update... it's been awhile i know. but here's what's going on.

School school school. that's pretty much what life is all about right now. i'm taking a totall of FOUR electives. yes four electives. but NO. i'm NOT being lazy at all. i forgot to say that these electives AREN'T your typical "bird" courses neither - Religious Traditions of the West, Greek Mythology - Gods, Music Composition and Statistics (well this one is ACTUALLY a joke... but it's getting harder and harder so it doesn't REALLY count as a bird course). i love my classes... well i love the material, maybe not the professor or the subjective evaluations i.e. essays. but whatever i'm enjoying everything so far.

Soccer's been terrible for some reason. i got hurt during the last game of the outdoor season, which dates back to like mid to late September. Guess what?! i'm STILL icing it right now. i keep re-aggrevating me and it's getting REALLY annoying and frustrating. you see i'm just not discipline enough to STOP playing for a little while and just let it heal. so at the end of the day who's fault is it?! i guess mine?! o wells that's how much i love soccer. i'm playing on a couple of new teams this year in school and outside of school. my interhouse team at school is an allstar team. there's a LOT of pressure playing in that team and that league. everyone expects you to be amazing and you just can't make mistakes. i don't know if i like that. i'm not doing well on that team at all. the first season that i played interhouse soccer i scored like 12 goals in 8 games. as of now we've played 4 games and i've scored ZERO goals. i barely shot the ball in the past 4 games. although i did hit the post yesterday which was pretty close to a goal... but still. i blame it on the shoes. seriouslly though it's got SOMETHING to do with it. i use to play in those ghetto "asian shoes"... yes the pure WHITE ones if you know what i'm talking about. dang i miss those. i can't believe they all broke and my mom tossed them last year. i need to get some new ones.

So to top everything off. let me talk about this past weekend a little bit. i finished midterms on Friday, which is JUST in time for me to host the 14:21 team. it was so awesome to see some of these guys again and meet the new team members. i had an awesome time sharing life with them and they played a great show. the most important thing of the night i thought was the "wrap up" that my pastor did. he talked about how life is irreversible, irreplaceable, and irrepeatable. "let my lifesong sing to you..." it really hit me... and yea it's gonna help me to make my DECISION in another 16 days or so...

here's a few pictures of the show and post show

anyways... so that's an update of my life... for now... there're more exciting things coming up... hopefully i'll get to post about it later when i make my "decision"...

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 00:06:14 GMT

i'll update this soon... i promise...

Friday, September 01, 2006

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 13:02:04 GMT

time for another update... Kim's right... i've been QUITE the UPDATE-R lately. i guess it's because there ACTUALLY ARE things happenin' in life instead of just workin' and workin' and workin'... so here we go...

just under 1800 people... 76 teams... 6 divisions... 2 champions... 1 reason!

CCSA softball. aka Chinese Christian Softball Association. ask any asian church go-er here in Toronto, i bet you anything that they' either been PART of this association or they've heard about it or know someone that plays in it. it's just THAT BIG here in Toronto. to be completely honest. it's not the greatest league. HOLD YOUR FIRE. i know that some of you are READY TO SHOOT ME for sayin' that. but hey. let's face it. let me rationalize and explain myself before y'all wanna kill me with an Evo!

gone is the non-competitive chillin' friends makin' kinda league. let's face it now. couple years back we've heard about those fights and swearin' between teams in the Senior divisions... all the bitterness, anger, whatever else that was involved. we've heard all the "anal-ness" about measurin' bats and stuff like that. that's just RIDICULOUS. the most ridiculous of all... i'm just gonna generalize and call it the "New York Yankee-ness". honestly man. people are just out to have fun and you're out to crush them?! yes i know. i'm a competitive athelete myself. i believe in excellence. but i also believe in integrity. and i believe that standin' on the players line catching a GIRL'S hit and makin' a G6 play... NO GLORY. BUT on the OTHER hand. if one of my girls HIT over your players with NO RESPECT. that's GLORY and that's when we ALL rush out from the dug out and give her a hug... and that's what the leagues all about.

i know a lot of you guys wanna kill me already for this blog. but that's not what this entry is about... i've found MY REASON for stayin' in the league.

this... is the battlefield... also known as the banquet... i call it battlefield because... that's what i call everywhere that i get to play at...

the banquet was incredible. it was fun NOT because of the food. the music was good i thought. i had TONS of fun playin' jazz with Steve, Sam and Aaron. that was kinda fun. settin' the stage for the dinner before everything started and people are still trickling in. that was fun and i thought it sounded pretty good too. now i'm motivated to learn how to play jazz in DIFFERENT KEYS. i was STUCK in the key of C for the longest time. anyways... here're 3 pictures that i want to show y'all. and that's the reason why i LOVE this league regardless of all the ugliness in it...

that's... what the league is all about. thank you leaders for leadin' this ministry with such determination and focus. the league IS about winning. NOT the materialistic kinda winning though. the league is about winning friendships. it's about winning WITH integrity. it's about WINNING when you've lost the game... that's winning. it's gotta be ONE OF THE HARDEST thing to do. and most importantly. i think the whole idea about CCSA was about winning souls. MATs - Most Appreciated Teams. RHCBC.. being my church... have 5 teams. 3 teams got the MATs AND the rest of them were second and had honorable mentions. what does that say about our church and the softball ministry?! NOT to be prideful about it or anything. but i think we've got it right... right in the sense that we know why we're in the league and we're doin' the right thing. and PROPS to ALL of our leaders for beatin' that in our heads at times.

don't get me wrong. the entry ISN'T to bash anyone and take any credit from anyone's playin'. but i just wanna say that i've found MY reason for playin'... what's YOURS?!

the night was awesome. got to see all these people i don't get to see often... takin' those annual pictures that we take at banquet EVERY year. and just bein' there with these people made it so special. there were those that i saw.. and i was like awwww i miss you. and there're those that you're just like dude... we've seen each other SO much but you're still the coolest person alive. and i guess that's what the league does to you...

last but NOT LEAST... THE X(CROSS) FACTOR!!!!!

Steve (bass), Aaron (drums), Sam H (Guitar, Lead Vocal), Karin (Vocal), Eliot (Keys, Vocal), Sam W (Electric), Dee (Vocal), Simon (Vocal)

for more photos... http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2102372100

what a night.. that's IT and i LOVE you ALL!!!!!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 02:44:58 GMT

so... let me give y'all a little recap about this week. this is where i've been for the weekend

that's right. i had a chance to hit the cottage with my elementary school fellowship. for those of you that don't know about this. these guys are basically my friends from elementary school friends. a lot of us didn't really get along in elementary school because of various reasons. and we're kids back then. but the LORD has blessed us and brought us together again in high school. a lot of us didn't really keep in contact with each other and all... but God works in his own cool way and changed us all as individuals and eventually brought us all together again during Gr. 12. and some of us got to "be the light" and brought the rest of the gang to church and such... and here we are... we started a fellowship by God's grace. i keep telling these guys that we're never put together as a group of friends as a result of random chance... we believe in a divine purpose behind all of this. well a couple of them if you will.

1) we're able to encourage and inspire each other continually... and since we've known each other for about 10 years now. we understand each other a LOT more

2) we all have mutual friends... through that we are able to reach out to our mutual friends and also our families (we know most of them anyways)

and so this weekend we went up to Muskoka area for a "retreat" type of thing. it was alright i thought. 17 of us lived in a place designed for 8 adults and 2 children. and 17 of us asian kids were packed inside a little cottage with ONE WASHROOM. sick eh?! no joke! it was QUITE something linning up for the washroom for a shower. we calculated that for the LAST person to take a shower, he/she will have to wait at last 170 minutes before they get to jump in.

we did a lot of EATIN, watersports, sports, chillin', games... little bit of sleeping and SOME serious singspiration and sharin' moments. so that was pretty awesome i thought. i had a chance to tell them about my trip to Mexico. i knew that they weren't really that receptive about it... but at least i got the point across.

God really graced us with AWESOME weather. it was suppose to rain all weekend long. but then the second day was SO SUNNY it wasn't even funny. that was the day when we got to do some major chillin' and watersports. so that was pretty awesome. the trip was a LITTLE unorganized in my opinion... but then that's what made it fun i guess. it was a lot of fun gettin' to talk to people... OOO i found out that one of my friend from here (Toronto) is actually a school mate from HK... well i didn't know her back then but we both went to the same school and know the same people... well a handful of them. that was pretty cool i thought. but yea. this trip was LESS about the structure and MORE about the spontaneous relationship building. people brought 4 friends to this "retreat" and they loved it... they sent out emails thankin' us and all... and i think God REALLY started something good for us this weekend and im excited to see what's gonna happen next

that's right we're CRAZY FOBS!!!!!! love you guys!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 02:46:16 GMT

this one is for you... Mr. Goins... and others that are interested in being a "repeated offender" as David Lanning would call it... so here we go...

what are the differences between the two trips?! for those of you that don't know, last year i was also part of the CTI summer program and was sent to HK for 4 weeks and this year i was sent to Mexico for approximately the same amount of time. so how was it different?! i didn't really think about it a whole lot. but i guess i'll be thinking "out loud" right now as i write along

YFC HK vs. YWAM Guadalajara:

Team HK '05 had a chance to serve with and for Youth for Christ HK. and our goal was basically to go out there in the streets of HK and try to attract crowds and eventually "hook them up" with Youth for Christ programs. our typical day usually starts from some time around 5:45am to approximately 10:30pm. we would do things such as moving toliets and concrete, hangin' out with "grandmas and grandpas", teaching English classes and finally... playin' concerts. a lot of the time we'll have 3-4 concerts a day and we'd be dead tired at the end of the day... feeling like we've been "used" to the max... which is a very asian thing to do... to maximize efficiency. a lot of the times i feel that our ministry with YFC in HK was about quantity... but not quality of believers and followers of Christ. often times it's about HOW MANY "WE SAVED" today... that's partially because of the culture. time is money. and it's all about efficiency.

Team Mexico '06 had a chance to partner with Youth with a Mission Guadalajara. Their mission statement and vision if you will is different from YFC's as David would always tell us. Youth with a Mission is a lot more about building up young leaders in Christ and mobilizing them into the society... and perhaps the world... and make a difference. they're less about the "number of saved Christians" but are more about discipleship. hence our job in Mexico was less about going OUT to play music and "do ministry". but it was a lot more about serving within the base itself... with stuff like cleaning fake trees, moving beds, building beds, planting and playing concerts for King's Kids (camp led by Puerto Rican YWAM for Mexican young Christians with a heart for missions). we were in fact in the base almost EVERYDAY and played NOT EVEN a concert/day at the end of our 4 weeks tour in Mexico. that's the main difference in the hosts from the two tours...

Music

To be completely honest... training for team hk was not as fulfilling as training for team mexico... only because some of the songs that i had to learn the first year was in Chinese. and yes i speak Chinese... and in fact i grew up listening to some of these songs and already know how to sing them. however, learning songs on the piano was still kinda tough. but yea, i already knew most of the songs before going to training the first year. this year was a lot more different. i actually had to LEARN the songs AND the language. it was NOT fun learning spanish... at first anyways. i really wanted to give up on Cielo cuz it was so hard... and Vertigo was just too high. it was humbling... just as usual, but again and again i've been reminded that it's REALLY NOT about ME. and so just SUCK IT UP... learn it... and MOVE ALONG! and so i find tat the music that we did for Mexico was a lot more engaging and exciting than the Chinese pop songs that we did in HK. although people still loved them and enjoyed them... especially when they're white people singing Chinese songs.

The Battlefield - HK vs. Mexico

it was different for me to go to HK than the rest of my team. that's SIMPLY because i was born and raised there. it's "bittersweet" i guess?! it's wierd because i actually WANTED to go to HK. because it'd be an awesome opportunity to reach out to my "own" people. NOT to be racist or anything, but being part of that culture and speaking the language makes it A LOT easier to relate and to communicate. and i was really excited about going to HK. however, i know that LOOKING CHINESE will give me EXTRA pressure and EXTRA responsibilities. and in fact i did take on a WHOLE LOT of extra responsibilities... i had to translate to my teammates and had to do some translating work for YFC too. i was happy though... happy to be used the way that i was created. im sure Jesus was smiling too. but yes... being Chinese and LOOKING Chinese gave me a lot of expectations from others... i was expected to do this and that... and just be like them in a way... but yet different because im NOT one of them. so it's QUITE an identity crisis at times. but all in all it was awesome.

in a TOTALLY different way... going to Mexico made me feel really SMALL and HELPLESS at times and i learnt to REALLY rely on the Holy Spirit to do His work. sometimes i REALLY wish that i spoke spanish and can understand the kids that i played soccer with... or the lady at the prison... or the guard at the prison even. i wish i was able to communicate. but KNOWING that i CAN'T do that. i'll have to let my ACTIONS speak louder than words. i'll have to SHOW that i care and i love... and let the HOLY SPIRIT do His work... and just leave it all up to him... but not my lofty words... just like Paul have mentioned in his letters to the churches. but yea. i sure wished that i understood and could speak the language and communicate... not being able to do that made me feel inferior to those that did on tour... but that taught me HUMBILITY yet again (don't worry i know how to spell). it was just different... going from the translator... to being TRANSLATED TO... just... different... and quite humbling i guess

The question...

way to challange me and ask me a question that i can't really answer Jeff. i really don't know how the two trips differ in the way that it touched my soul. let's put it this way. serving in HK YFC really taught me humbility... or HUMILITY. it's just huge. we were humbled during the first week when we had NO SHOWS and all we did was... do "crap" work... all the "dirty work" around the house... or YFC building or whatever you wanna call it. being in Mexico taught me that our LIFE is missions... i've known that all along... but we actually had to practice it. we had to do all the "dirty work" yet again. but we had to learn that that was our ministry and we had to do it well... if it's painting... then go and do a good job. if it's washing dishes... then make them squeaky clean... it ain't gonna matter what you do... do it well and be a good servant. another thing that i learnt was that missions can also be about encouraging others to live a life that matters... that was mainly our job in Mexico... as i've mentioned before in the last entry...

All in all...

being a "repeated offender" wasn't easy i have to say. a lot of the times during training you just felt like you know it all... even better than your team leaders sometimes. but you have to learn to be submissive to your leaders and that was tough. and even on tour. sometimes you feel like you KNOW how things are suppose to be just because you've done it before. but you also have to realize that they're your leaders... they have the final say in everything and they have the authority over you and you are to respect them. but all in all i have to say that it was AWESOME... both times... to be able to go outside from my little bubble back home and just go to the rest of the world and see what it's all about. and to admire the creations of God... and most importantly to recognize the NEEDS around the world...

Jeff i hope that answers your question... and i hope that answers everyone elses' questions. i was just thinking out loud. forgive me if that made no sense grammatically... or just straight up made no sense. anyways, i'm outta here. be back later hopefully. hasta pronto

Monday, August 14, 2006

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 12:19:20 GMT

alright guys. i have to admit that i've been pretty pathetic with updating everybody about my life. so yea. here we go. i'm gonna buy into peer pressure... for once... and the last time... and i think i'm finally gonna update or something like that.

as some... or most of you know that i've been on tour with CTI from mid late June to late July. i was priviledged to be on a team as a vocalist this year and was sent to Guadalajara, Mexico. so my friend asked me last night... what did you learnt and how have you changed. so i guess maybe i'll talk about that or something like that...

1) it's kinda funny how we often look at "less developed" countries and we think that we need to step in and "help". it's totally valid if the place lacks a decent health care and sanitary system, water and food supplies etc. otherwise, i think people are pretty happy where they are. we were priviledged to play at a "pretty ghetto" town i would say. i don't remember the name of the town. but i have pictures that you can check out for youself (http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2103154861). but here's a picture of where we played and the set up and all the stuff. The ironic thing about that that i wanna talk about is the fact that these people there live a very simple life... and yet they're contend. i love to give the example and comparison about my church softball league and the peopel that are in it. guys will buy bats that are like 2-300 dollars and are STILL not satisfied because there are "better" models out there that can help you hit further. on a side note, some bats actually do help, but mostly it's in your techniques anyways. so don't worry about it if you don't hit far already. buying another 300 dollar bat ain't gonna make you a superstar overnight. anyways. back to Mexico. so yea, we're not contend... and never satisfied with what we have. and yet we see kids jumping over ditches and they FULL of joy. you give them a soccerball, they can play with it forEVER. well if you give ME a soccer ball, i can also play with it forever. but the thing that i got out of this show was that: instead of going into countries and places like this thinking that DUDE they "need help". we should just go in and be part of them, and just enjoy ourselves, show that we care, and BE CONTENT. they have nearly nothing and we have so much "more". but the VERY ironic and almost SHAMEFUL reality is that they're probably a lot more happy about life than most North Americans.

2) missions - the definition has always been somewhere along the lines of bringing the gosepl to a foreign country. yes, i agree with the idea that your LIFE is ministry and you LIFE is a mission. but the typical idea of "mission" personally has always been that... that idea of going into a country and just trying to reach out to as many people as possible. but that idea changed this tour... as "expected" almost. we were over in mexico for 29 days i believe and we played a total of 23 shows... 4 of which were at the YWAM (Youth with a Mission) base. for those of you that don't know, the YWAM base was where we stayed and was the organization that we partnered with thouroughout our stay in Mexico. That means that we didn't even play ONE show per day. what a pathetic trip some of you might say... or in fact that might have been some of OUR team members mentality. but then, we reazlied that although we didn't "go out" as much, our ministry was whereever we're sent, and that was YWAM Guadalajara. we did a whole lot of "offstage" ministry stuff for and with them, from cleaning to washing dishes to washing vans to moving beds to building beds to planting to something more music related such as leading worship. but that was our ministry. to step in from North America as fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and show that we care and we're willing to be servant and tools of Christ. and during our stay there, there were a group from Pennsylvania, Colorado, Korea and Puerto Rico. there were a WHOLE lot of people at this one time during our stay and everyone speaking their own language and have their own culture. i had a chance to lead worship for them a couple times and it was AWESOME to see and hear people worshipping in 3 different languages - English, Korean and Spanish. that's who our God is... a God of every tongue and nation. anyways, so we believed that our job there was to inspire people and encourage them, especially the King's Kids camp (Mexican kids at a camp led by the Puerto Rican YWAM-ers). our job was to show them what ministry means, and their job, is to influence their country. that was our job this time around... the inspirer. however we also had a lot of chances to actually go OUT and minister to locals in prisons, rehab centers, orphanages etc. but the majority of the time... we were at the base, and hence we were in contact with YWAM-ers all the time, and were able to encourage and minister to them through our everyday interactions.

3) there's gotta be more to life, than chasing down everyone temporary high to satisfy me. 'cause there's more to life that i'm tripping out thinking there must be more to life. well it's life, but i'm sure, there's gotta be MORE (More to Life - Stacie Orrico). there's gotta be more to life than 9-5. there's gotta be more to life than 2.3 kids. there's gotta be more to life than 2 cars. there's gotta be more to life than just chasing after the "american"/"asian" dream. there's gotta be more to life... i just need to find out or let HIM show me what that means.

that's basically the stuff that i've learnt. im sure there are a lot of experiences that changed me in subtle ways. but these are the three big ones. if you're interested int pictures. here're a couple links. caution... there are a LOT of pictures. let me warn you before you get sucked into looking at all of them... but here we go:

alrighty, a little update about life here in Toronto. i've been working a whole lot and just doing a lot of sports. my soccer team ended the season with a dominating 9-1 record and we won the league championship. so we had some alcohol to celebrate that on a Sataurday morning after our game at around 1130 or so. yes that was quite disgusting, considering the fact that i had another softball game after too. so yea my softball team went 6-3-1 and we're going into the playoffs and will play next weekend. so i'm totally pumped...

that's my life... for now... HAPPY NOW Dale, Kim and Abby?! hahaha and just for kicks... this is for ya'll

adios for now... i'll be back SOON hopefully hahaha

Monday, June 19, 2006

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 12:21:10 GMT

times flies... and today marks the end of training... this is it... let the battle beginnnnnnnnnn!